December Daily | Day 15 Happy Merry Cheer

I included this day in my catch up page, but I had more to share about the story.  

I also have to say thank you for all the people who reached out to me after I talked about what has been going on in our lives yesterday.  Her teacher is gone and she had a sub today.  I came to class for her holiday party and oh my, what a difference a sweet, normal person can make.  I doubt the sub was aware of the issues going on, but she came up to me anyway to tell me how much she likes Nandini and told me she is like an old soul.  

Her new teacher also came to find us and welcome her.  She was Avinash's old teacher and she said she wants Lakshman to come to her class also now.  There were so many wonderful moments of kindness.  And my daughter is feeling so much better.  We are trying to focus on the good now. 

And watching all three kids in their theatre shows was a very good thing.  I had the idea of trying to do a digitial collage with a series of horizontal photos with text in between.  

I originally wanted the stamped sentiment to preceed each line of text, but my spacing was not right.  

Instead I just stamped at the end of each text box and it worked out fine.  I wasn't sure if the red ink I have would smudge on photo paper, but I know the black is fine.  

I stamped these larger sentiments in between as well.  The stamp set is paislee press.  I just love their elegant feel. 

Also from paislee press, I have these puffy lightbulb stickers.  Unsurprisingly, they match the stamping very well. 

I stitched a line down the edge of the patterned paper border I added.  I placed one large black chipboard star on top.  

I just love those stars. 

And I added one more bonus full page photo on the back.  More strips of patterned paper along the border. 

How much do I love these balloon displays around Austin? And I think they look great with my ballooning belly !!

Thanks for checking out my pages again!

I hope your holidays are filled with love and warmth! 

XOXO,
Niru

ps. You can see all of my December Daily posts here

Some of the supplies I am using:

American Crafts Hole Reinforcer Punch

6-Hole Paper Punch

DD Main Kit

Great Gift Giving Guide for the Kid who has Everything

We Can't Stop ...

I love this "We Can't Stop...Having Babies" Miley Cyrus parody so much.  I actually had to look up the original after I saw the parody and it makes a lot more sense as a baby/kid song.

"To my girls with the big bump // Growing it over and over again // Remember only God can judge ya'
....
Can't you see it's we who'll be up all night // Can't you see it's wee who love this life."

HECK YES!



I have been an emotional wreck all week since Lakshman got back from the hospital.  We were there for five days and running on adrenaline the whole time.  To say we crashed when we got back home is an understatement.

He was there for failure to thrive and feeding difficulties.  Is there a more chiding, blamey diagnosis possible?  Turns out, yes.

It used to be called maternal deprivation.

Ouch.

That's okay because it is basically putting into words everything I've been feeling.  And what everyone else seems to be thinking too.

I know people want to be helpful.  But it feels like most people seem to think we aren't feeding him.  Or haven't tried.  Or haven't tried sweets or avocado, or whatever food worked for their kid. Their kid. Not mine. (Seriously, I have heard from a lot of people about this. He can't eat mushy stuff!)

Of course, this is completely unfair because so many people have rushed in to be with us and offered to help with the older kids, but when you are already judging yourself so harshly - it's easy to think that everyone else is too.

The mental anguish keeps trickling in.  It was our choice to have a third child.  We already had a boy and girl, one of each is all you need right? Especially when we can't even take care of the baby?  And, at the most basic level - feeding - at that?

I feel like I am fending off CPS when I try telling friends and family about his diagnoses.  Like, "hey, trust us.  He is having problems.  It's not just us.  Really! We love him and take care of him as best as possible." I'm not even sure most of them believe us.

How do I tell everyone that I spend every waking minute with him?  He has been my life for over a year now.

That's why I have this song on repeat right now. I'm his mother.  I have his best interest at heart.  I love him more than you can ever know. I am trying my best.  I am getting him treatment. He is growing, even if he is still failing the growth curve.

We can do what we want, grow who we want, love who we want! 

Lakshman, you are one!

 Lakshman, you are one year old!  We can hardly believe how much you have changed and grown!

I think you were getting a cold on the actual day of your birthday.  We stayed home, other than your year one check up.  We played with your animals and I took lots of pictures in the playroom.  Definitely one of your spots in the house.  If you only knew how to climb down the stairs safely we would let you hang out there all the time .

You are the happiest, sweetest and most friendly baby I have ever seen.  Your capacity for joy is enormous.  Either when bouncing in his swing or playing ball with his kids, I have never seen joy and laughter like yours before. You have made friends with at least half the kids in Avinash's kindergarten class.  You play with them so much you have started to recognize them.  And you jump out of my arms when you do so you don't miss out.  You love to poke and prod your friends until they laugh right along with you.

You have a fuzzy head and love to snuggle.  You have only grown more bear like as you grow older much to our delight.

 The year has not been with out it's ups and downs though.  You got the flu at the beginning of the year and our pediatrician started to really panic about your lack of weight gain there after.  You are teeny tiny and we are still playing catch up (You wouldn't even eat your birthday cake, or taste it and mama cried).  A few days after your one year check up the doctor was ready to put you in the hospital.  We managed to hold off on this because you gained a few ounces that week but weekly doctor and therapy visits have become the norm.  We have finally started making progress, but it is slow and steady at best.

Things have been stressful but you have it doesn't seem to have affected you in the slightest thankfully.  We have changed up your diet to include lots more fat and it is helping.

The day before your birthday you were definitely in better spirits than the actual day of.  We went to the botanical garden and soaked in the sunshine.  It was the day of the superbowl, just like the day you were born.

Last year we watched from the hospital right after you were born.  My eyes never even looked at the screen.  My family was there, helping me and helping with the kids.  The very first my mom said after you were born was "He is one lucky baby" thus naming you and anointing you. My best friend, who normally lives over a thousand miles away, miraculously showed up at the hospital too, just in time to meet him on his birthday.

One year later, the day was much less exhausting and thrilling but I am reminded of how we are the lucky ones and how much he has added to our lives.

We are so proud of you and love you so much! Happy Birthday (and one month) Lakshman bear!

This happened | Muppet Babies Can Come True

5 days old: Lakshman's newborn photos

Now that we have a smiling, laughing, sleeping, and bouncing 4-month old baby boy, I'm getting all nostalgic for his newborn days.  He was so tiny and fragile.  And so precious.  That's what it made it so awesome. 

Even though we had been through it all before, his first few days were filled with new worries for me.  He had to undergo treatment for jaundice.  They discharged us from the hospital which meant keeping him on a bili-bed at home.  He was supposed to stay on that apparatus for twenty hours a day.  He pretty much hated it and all I wanted to do was hold him.  Instead, we would take turns sitting next to him on the floor while he soaked in all that blue light.  The worst part were the daily blood draws from his tender little heels.  (Ok, remind me again why I miss those days?) I did learn somethings, like, it is okay to insist on them using the heel warmer if it spares your newborn pain. 

Thankfully, his bilirubin levels dropped and he was back in our arms when he was five days old. 

 A friend of Ryan's came over to the house that day and we were able to take newborn + family photos.  These photos are just such a blessing to me, especially since most of the pictures I have with the kids are now just awkward iPhone selfies.

I love all the tiny details.  Tiny fingers and tiny toes.  Ears still squished from nine months in a bubble that have straightened out since.   Even the newborn reflexes.  Brothers + sister.  Our new family of five.

 I have been struggling with wanting time to slow down lately, finding the pause button so to say.  These photos are my pause button.

Ballet Austin

Avinash took ballet classes again this year.  Last year he took classes in Houston and they had a big recital for all the kids at the end of year.  Avinash got a standing ovation for his performance (and for being the only boy on stage too probably).  We were so moved by this.  I know that some people feel weird about having their boys take dance classes but we have never had anything but love and support from the different studios we have been to.  I'm not too proud  to tell someone that he is taking ballet to help with his sports footwork, but I haven't really needed to. 

The ballet school year ended this past week and his teacher very strongly encouraged us to bring him back next year.  His classes are at a real ballet studio so even though they get to audition for the Nutcracker in a couple years, there is no kids recital at the end of year.  We did get to sit in the studio and watch.  Ryan came along and all four of us saw Avinash dance. 

Lakshman was totally amazed by the wall to wall mirrors.

Hey guys, did you even know this kind of technology existed?!

Avinash, we are so proud of you!

My glamorous life. // How do you do it all?

I did a lot of day in the life posts last year, recording a single day every month or so in photos + words.  Those days were, at worst, average, but always made me smile to look back on.  Today was one of those days that was so awesomely bad I had to share for the sake of balance and honesty on my blog.

Nandini had school this morning so Ryan left early to drop her off.  The baby woke up and wanted to stay up right after they left and I really missed him not being around in the morning.  Avinash watched TV while I got the baby and myself ready.  He watched a little more while I nursed the baby.  I decided to set out a little early so I could grab a coffee.  My friend offered to watch Avi and take him to school while I picked up Nandini and her house is near a Starbucks I like.

The three of us make it out of the house.  I actually put on something other than yoga pants and  t-shirt.  Partially because I want to start trying a little more, but also because I have no clue where half of my laundry is right now.  I order my reserve coffee and a cake pop for Avi.  He quietly eats and then we start cooing at the baby.  It really is fun to see him more alert, even when he is in his sling (he usually just sleeps in there).  Then I feel his stomach rumble and see his expression change.  I figure I will just change him in the car when I feel wetness spreading all over me.  His diaper has exploded all over the sling, my shirt and is now, to my horror, dripping down his leg on to the floor of Starbucks.  Avinash screamed.  So much for staying low key.  I rush into the bathroom with the baby to stem the tide and realize I am out of diapers.  Wonderful.  I wipe up what I can on him and myself, cover him in paper towels and race over to my friends place.

Luckily, instead of just giving me a spare diaper she offers fresh clothes for the baby and me.  Crisis averted.  Of course, I don't know if I can ever go back to that Starbucks.  This is probably why I should stick to the drive-thru ones.

I leave Avi there and go to get Nandini.  .  Nandini eats leftover goldfish the whole way home.  The rest of the afternoon is pretty uneventful until it is time to leave again to pick up Avinash after school. 

I get all three kids restrained and back in the car and we start heading back home.  I am pulling on to the highway when Nandini exclaims, "The baby likes goldfish!"

WHAAAAA??????????

I reach back and snatch the sippy cup filled with goldfish out of her hands before she gives him another one and she starts shrieking at the top of her lungs.  She knows that she did something really wrong and does not want to hear about it.  I do a quick finger sweep of the baby's mouth and realize he has already spit out most of it.

At least those things dissolve easily.

Then, while she is still crying hysterically I think back to how carefully we selected the first food gave her.  Over processed cheese cracker shaped inexplicably like a fish is probably not my first choice for the baby, but at least she didn't have a sippy cup full of peanuts or something. 

So, in answer to your question random grocery store lady, I have no idea what I am doing, let alone how.  Though coffee helps, usually.

Announcing our new Baby Boy!

Here he is!  We are so happy and proud to share the news of our new baby and second son, Lakshman Hecker.  He arrived on February 2nd at 5:36 pm, weighing 5 pounds and 11 ounces. 

He looks just like Avinash as a baby.  Avinash was so excited that the baby really is 'twins of him' that he wanted to name him Avinash as well.  Then he told everyone at school that the baby's name is Krishna. 

Nandini cannot fathom that he has a name beyond 'the baby' and laughs like we are joking when he try to correct her. 

And us?  Yeah, we were totally those insane people who left the hospital without a name for our baby.  It took two more trips to the hospital to get it straightened out.  In our defense, picking a name is hard, especially a middle name.  I mean, you can literally choose anything you want.  We almost named him Lakshman Teen Wolf Kumar Avinash Krishna Hecker.  I still kind of like the way it rolls off the tongue. 

Life here is busy.  Feeding, changing, napping, bathing but mostly just trying to soak it all in.  We are all getting to know this wonderful new human being in our lives and falling in love more and more everyday.  We are super blessed to have tons of visits from friends, help with carpooling from schoolmates and the constant presence of my parents in these early weeks.

Despite some early blood sugar and jaundice Lakshman is super healthy now.  He passed his two week check up with flying colors (doctor Nandini agrees) and is not only back at his birth weight, but has gained a full pound. 

Nine months and counting ...

Not so patiently waiting.

Contracting on and off (almost) every night.

Getting anxious.  Been at 3 cm since Wednesday - a week ago now.  My doctor was so excited when she checked me, but nothing. is. happening.

Sick of my itchy achy body. 

Hoping the baby is okay. Being upside down for so long has to be uncomfortable.  Nandini was head down for weeks and was born with a massive cone head.  Hello round two of that.

Went back to yoga yesterday after two weeks off.  I think it is fair to increase physical activity now.  I swear I thought my hips were going to break after doing the frog pose though.  Ouch.  Relaxin hurts.

For the longest time I was so afraid of this baby coming early.  With everything that happened with my last pregnancy and Nandini's speedy delivery I just didn't know if I could trust my body. So grateful to have made it to full term.

Of course, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if my body is able to go into labor on it's own.  For both of my previous deliveries the doctor broke my water once I was already in the hospital and it wasn't until after that point that the contractions really started. 

I have so many people asking me if the baby is here yet and I have made so many promises to send text messages to my friends when I go into labor.  Love that people want to hear from me and not just see pictures of the baby or something.  I am so touched by friends who have promised to pray for me when I do go into labor.  And of course one of my parents (or both) have been staying with us for weeks just in case. 

Linked up with Stephanie's Blog your heart, her timing could not be more perfect. 

Fuss-free Savings with Pampers and CVS

I was so excited when I got the chance to work with Pampers and CVS on this post over the holidays.  Pampers has always been the number one choice for our babies.  With at least one child in diapers constantly for the past five+ years I always try to be careful and keep Pampers in stock.

I have written about this before, but Pampers (she wears Baby Dry) work the best for us at preventing leaks, especially overnight.  Nandini wakes up late in the morning and really tests this theory.  She pays us back by not going to sleep until ten at night, but the almost 12 hours in one diaper is amazing. 

We normally have a pretty hectic schedule consisting of driving Avinash back and forth to school and dance class.  Austin is a wonderful city but is also known for horrendous traffic.  I'm especially grateful for her absorbent diapers at those times when she ends up strapped in her carseat almost all afternoon.  Trying to keep her entertained and picking up the crayons that fall on the floor and singing along to the same ten Disney songs on CD is challenging enough.  If I had to worry about her diaper too, I think I would lose it.

more after the jump, plus don't forget to enter the giveaway below!

It's a .... blue one! {Our Walt Disney World Gender Reveal and Maternity Photos}

We went for our 'big' 20 week ultrasound a few days before our Disney trip.  I had the tech put the gender results in an envelope because we weren't sure if we wanted to find out or not.  I put it in my purse and tried not to think about it.

I'm a big believer in the idea that people are people, regardless of gender, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun to find out.  My friend Anandi mentioned that it might help us and more importantly the kids feel more connected, so I pretty much decided to find out.  Still, in all the excitement and rush of Disney world, it sat in my purse untouched.

We were sitting down one day, enjoying a quiet moment and some Dole Whip pineapple ice cream floats when I realized I was ready to open up that envelope.  Ryan said we should wait and plan something special at the park. Since we were already at Disney World, why not?

We talked to guest services and event planning and no one really seemed to understand the concept of a gender reveal, so we decided to set it up ourselves.  We decided against cupcakes and picked balloons instead.  We gave Avinash a crucial role to play in handing over the ultrasound envelope to a balloon seller and bringing back the balloons over to us for the surprise.  He was so nervous about it that Ryan ended up helping him and basically saw the balloons color right away.

We hung out right in front of the castle and asked a Disney photographer to help us.  He used our camera for us.  He even flagged down another photographer for help, so we got a few different angles and everything!  I just love how Disney has a way of making you feel so special.

I held onto Nandini and waited for them to come back and tell me to turn around.  The butterflies were building and suddenly I hear Nandini shout, "A blue one?!"  Ha!  It was such an unexpected and perfect moment, especially from the girl who still calls anything colored orange an apple.  I love that everyone was involved in the surprise and we got special photographs to capture the moment!

We were both so thrilled.  Ryan said he thought it was going to be a girl and was totally shocked when he saw the balloons.  We are both really excited for them to have a little brother.  We obviously love Disney and were happy to be able to have such a special moment there.  If you love Disney too, I have a list of my favorite hidden Disney Photo spots here you may want to check out as well.