Learning.

I came from work completely exhausted and frustrated yesterday. Looong OR case. Way too long than it needed to be. And two traumas in the ER right afterward (because no one else was available to see them, yeah right). Annoyed because everyone else had finished their cases early and basically just took off. And getting yelled at by the chief for complaining about that. Sorry, yeesh.

Anyway, I finally made it home and Avinash was thrilled. I mean, giggling, grinning hugely and running over to me with his arms wide open. Thrilled.

Thrilled because he wanted me to sing the 'Itsy bitsy spider' and Ana's spanish doesn't translate that well for the song. We laughed and played alot. Then I made dinner while he puttered around the kitchen rearranging the cabinets and whatnot.

We even sat down to eat together before Ryan came home, mostly I couldn't wait because I'd had no lunch and hardly any breakfast. Avinash was even eating well, peas and squash.

Then I heard the key turn in the door and I was just overcome with tired-ness. I left my dinner and plopped down on the couch and told Ryan to sit with the baby. I just felt completely done.

It took at least an hour for me to move from that spot. Avi kept coming over, climbing on and off the couch. We danced around a little bit after a while to some P&F songs. Ryan left to pick up milk and I decided to check out this toddler ABC website with Avinash called kneebouncers.com.

He was happy as a clam to smash all the keys and move the mouse, but he would protest every time I touched the mouse. Finally, I moved the mouse again for some reason and he flipped out. Screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. I told him to stop and when he did not calm down I put him in bed immediately after.

Now I feel completely guilty. I basically just lost my patience in an instant. Especially after how happy he was when I came home from work. I mean, no allowances for how tired he must have been or how neglected he might have felt after dinner since I was so tired myself. Nothing, just boom--off to bed.

I mean, it is tough with babies. I know he is a toddler now, but since he cannot really talk and I still think of him as a baby, I don't really think of rationalizing his behavior. But a little more patient explanations might go a long way. Sigh, it is amazing how much of a learning process this is for both of us.