Life has been really hard lately. Work has been terrible and it is spilling out into every other aspect of my life. I have been dealing with this 'issue' for a couple of weeks now and it is an emotional roller coaster. I love how Ryan tries to help me so much, but I get so sensitive and end up taking it out on him. The thing I feel worst about is when I get so tired or depressed that I don't really spend much quality time with Avinash. (It is even worse when I'm post call, I can't take care of him at all. It's as if all of my mental reserve just completely pours out of me). Poor baby. He is filled with so much love, joy and curiosity. I hope I can live up to his love and trust.
I know that I need to sit down and think about what I really want at the end of the day, is my goal worth all this struggle. What is my real goal? I can't answer that right now. My family is my number one priority, I know that much. I don't even want to think about my work issues right now, ignoring them is just so much easier. Luckily Ryan helps keep me moving forward with it, but I am still without real answers or resolution.
It doesn't hurt to keep an eye on the good things in life either. We started going on nightly family walks, with a 30 minute a night goal. The first few nights we let Avinash walk on his own, and it ended up taking over an hour to get to the park and back at a very stop and go pace.
We rarely use the stroller when we are not traveling, but my parents use it all the time when he is Allentown. My Dad is so cute; when he took Avinash to the playground by himself sometimes he said, I have to put him in the stroller or he goes all over the place! My mom came up with the best idea, she would use the stroller base without the car seat attachment and let him stand in the base. He gets more freedom of movement and can look around at everything, but he is much easier to control. Otherwise we are stopping every five seconds for him to examine every single pebble, real or imagined, along the path and have started getting very vocal resistance to our attempts at redirecting him.
Our Saturday and Sunday were really cool because it just so happened that a ballet concert was going on at the same time. Avinash saw a few older Indian boys running around and playing with a football. He tried so hard to chase after them and join the group, but he was a bit slower and I don't think they could understand what he was trying to say to them. We saw a few people out walking their dogs too, which both terrify and delight Avinash. He laughs when he sees one and usually holds out both his hands as if he is expecting the dog to lick his hands, but then gets too spooked as the dog comes closer. Attempts at petting the dog are also quickly second guessed and halted midway through. (So precious.) We also had lots of fun running up and down the huge hill in front of Miller Theatre with him. Somehow Avinash always manages to get the gold, but for now anyway, we all get to medal at least ;)
Having a daily routine for physical activity, even if it is as mild as a brisk walk, has definitely felt good. We also end up watching less TV and spend more time talking, a huge side benefit.
Last week, on one of my rare non-call days, we went to our friends place for Indian-Chinese food and DDLJ! It was the perfect combination - friends, Avinash's favorite friend Gabriel, food and a classic movie. Avinash and Gabriel played while we ate and Gabriel introduced him to his dog. Avinash laughed so much, but was pretty scared by all the activity. I guess it was a big schock for him. He was even afraid to look out the window at the dog in the backyard. Being the great parents that we are, Ryan and I teased him about it all night, oops.. Watching the movie with Raj and Rachel was awesome too. Apparently, she is a movie major and she pointed out so many subtle things about the movie. I have watched that movie a million times, but I never picked up on the simile of their first meeting as he pulls her onto the train at the last minute and the ending. There were lots of others too. And I thought it was so cute that Ryan and Raj liked such watching such a girly movie with us.
I also took Avinash to the Children's Museum by myself the other day. My whole purpose of going was to let him use their facepaint stuff. Lately he has been a terror whenever I try to sit down and fix my hair or makeup because he wants to play with every single thing. He was even imitating me tweezing my eyebrows. He also likes applying lipgloss as eyeshadow. Also, lotion is apparently a great hair styling product. So, I thought he might be able to get it out of his system a bit at the facepainting table. Of course he was more preoccupied with the sponges. I loved painting his face though, even just a little bit (he's still under two and has sensitive skin). Randomly while we were there this little girl came up to me and asked for a butterfly, with glitter preferably. Not sure why she thought to ask me, but I happily obliged given my former employment. I did a full face pink and yellow butterfly on her and her mom was amazed. It felt really cool to facepaint again.
I have hardly done any layouts lately, but here are a few from the past few weeks:
I did this one a few weeks ago. I still love that test shot from using the self-timer. The flowers in front of the art museum have completely vanished now. So glad we got the pictures when we did.
A random cute picture of Avinash.
This is another Stephanie Howell scraplift. I was going to add some journaling about Avinash's love of the slide at the Children's Museum and his interactions with the other kids there, but Ryan said it looked like Avinash's campaign slogan poster. So I left it bare. I think the finished look is really striking.
Another Art Museum flower garden LO.
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