5 weeks and counting...

We have been trying for months. I was starting to doubt myself as an Indian woman. I counted obsessively at first. And tests. Lots of tests. But not this month. I don't know how as soon as I was late that I didn't run and take a test this month. I didn't. We were traveling all over the east coast.

The day after we got back was a Friday. Ryan invited some friends over to watch a Hindi movie, Fanaa. After a quick trip to my favorite store Central Market, I made Avocado Gazpacho. Avocado gazpacho is an old favorite of ours and I usually make it every summer, especially for dinner parties. I started feeling really bad about how much fat must be in one bowl of it, so I decided to forgo the usual spice buttered croutons. For protein, I decided to make roasted chickpeas and paneer instead.

Raj's wife got sick, so it ended up just being the three of us. Dinner turned out well, which is good since most of my attempts to cook for guests have been below average lately. The chickpeas were great, but I couldn't eat much soup because it felt too heavy.

During the movie I started to feel a little off. Queasy. Suddenly I had to know. Luckily my bathroom was still stocked with tests. I ran into the bathroom. Almost instantly the result came back. I love how the positive line comes up before the test control line. I had to control my excitement and try not to squeal. I tiptoed back in the living room and tried to get Ryan's attention.

I was never one for keeping a secret.

I know some people plan a big reveal and a special way to tell their husband the news. I just brought him into the bathroom and gestured vaguely towards the test. I couldn't speak. Didn't know what to say I was so overcome. I think I was actually holding my hand over my mouth. Ryan just blurted out, 'You're pregnant! That's so exciting' and gave me a huge hug.

Going back to the living room and trying to stay calm was difficult to say the least. I probably could have picked a better moment but oh well.

Doctor's don't usually schedule the first pre-natal visit until around 8 weeks, so we definitely have a lot of time before we know anything more. I want to tell everyone I know, but I am waiting right now. I even talked to my Mom twice since I found out and haven't told her yet. I know I'm going to break down soon, but it is such a hard thing to blurt out over the phone.

Ryan is so cute, he keeps asking Avinash if he wants a new baby. And in our family votes, on things like what to have for dinner, he now counts the new baby and always makes it side with me (ha!). Ryan also said that we should maybe find out the gender so we can buy holiday dresses from Janie and Jack this December. Love that he is thinking about the wardrobe too.

So, I am only five weeks or so now. I am theoretically due at the end of March. I'm not sure if this will affect our trip to India in early February or not. There are so many other questions and unknowns right now. I am going to try to live in the moment, trust in God to take care of our family and be happy right now.

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Avocado Gazpacho Recipe

• 2 cucumbers, peeled, seeded, and diced
• 2 limes, juiced
• 1/2 to 1 cup vegetabl
• 1/2-cup fresh cilantro leaves, plus additional, for garnish
• 1 small jalapeno, stemmed, seeded, and chopped
• 2 green onions, sliced (including green tops)
• 2 ripe avocadoes
• Salt

Make spiced croutons up to 2 days ahead. Store in an airtight container.
In a blender, puree cucumbers, lime juice, 1/2 cup broth, 1/2 cup cilantro leaves, jalapeno, green onions, and 1 of the avocadoes, diced. Season, to taste, with salt. Cover and refrigerate for about 2 hours or until next day.
To serve, thin gazpacho with additional broth if desired. Dice remaining avocado finely and add to gazpacho base. Pour into bowls and garnish with cilantro leaves and croutons.

• Spiced Croutons
• 1/2 loaf (8 ounces) crusty bread
• 2 ounces (1/2 stick) butter
• 2 teaspoons ground chile powder, such as ancho
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon dried thyme
• Freshly ground pepper

Preheat an oven to 450 degrees F. Cut bread into small cubes and spread on a baking sheet. Toast in oven until crisp and golden, about 10 minutes. Melt butter and stir in ground chile powder, salt, ground cumin, thyme, and pepper to taste. Pour over bread cubes and toss to coat. Return to oven and toast 5 minutes more.